did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
He is an equal opportunity slut.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
