her vagine was all disorganized.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
