did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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