Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
