Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Farmville is her only friend.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
