the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
