You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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