I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
