well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
