im six kinds of drunk right now
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
