They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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