true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
There's even glitter on my cock...
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