as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
