how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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