It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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