burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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