i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
