Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
