the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
