the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
