it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
