Fine. I'll sleep in my office
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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