did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
