Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize