I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
