mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Sorry about my life...
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
