the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
