I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
