So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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