We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize