I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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