Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
