He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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