Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
