Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
