I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
