the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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