Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Randomize
