Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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