I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
