; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
