what if every blade of grass was a penis?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
