I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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