Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
