Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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