dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
People with herpes should wear stickers.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
