Having a random hookup so left but love u
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
