Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
