My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
