I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
