I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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