BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
