No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
