I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
