sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
