is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize