dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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