How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
