New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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