dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Randomize
