Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
