just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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