kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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