you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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