Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
