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Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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