batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
