You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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