and then he started using my ass as a stressball
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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