Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Everclear isn't food dammit
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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