Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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