If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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