When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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