So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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