i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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