I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
