I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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