Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
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