I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
