Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
