just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
