i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
