I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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