Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
