The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
