I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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