if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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