Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
