Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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