im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
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