We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
