i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i think i have two assholes
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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