I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
