she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
