My hair reeks of homosexuality.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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