when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
