Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I am one with the molecules
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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