I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
